I always notice that the newspaper goes out of its way to find some of the strangest things to print on Sunday. It may be just me but some of the articles leave me to wonder if the writer has some sort of knowledge that they are holding over the publishers head.
Not only are there articles about solving the woes of the world, (the key to stopping the shootings in schools and elsewhere is to control guns not mental health issues…TIP: its both) but the paper presents some of the most bizarre products that are actually for sale! This Sunday brought me to the Parade magazine and in a small blurb they mention the WiFi toilet…for almost $8,000!
I had to look this up. It is a squarish toilet that has a power lid (better be a fast power lid), ambient lighting (ummm so better poop by?), music (nothing like a toilet inspired karaoke session), and the ad made some noises about it being sort of self cleaning with air dry. I am not sure if the air dried the toilet or the bum. If it dried the bum, it could be fun. Oh yes and it solves the major bane of all mankind…it has heated seats! In case of power failures, it has an emergency mode good for 100 flushes. Whew!
The remote control (yes, indeedy) enables the user to change settings on the “go”. And it also can be controlled by Alexa or Google Assistant. It auto flushes too.
As amazing as a remote controlled, heated seat, musically inclined, color showing toilet sounds, it articles never answer the question if it will take one or two flushes to take care of business. Modern. Low-flow, required by law toilets are notorious for saving water on each flush, but the savings is “wiped out” by having to flush several times to finish the chore.
I think this girl will stick with her old, cold seated, silent, manual john for now. It’s paid for and requires only one flush. If I could find a hair drier attachment to handle the air dry component, I would have everything a girl could want.