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I always notice that the newspaper goes out of its way to find some of the strangest things to print on Sunday.  It may be just me but some of the articles leave me to wonder if the writer has some sort of knowledge that they are holding over the publishers head.

Not only are there articles about solving the woes of the world, (the key to stopping the shootings in schools and elsewhere is to control guns not mental health issues…TIP: its both) but the paper presents some of the most bizarre products that are actually for sale!  This Sunday brought me to the Parade magazine and in a small blurb they mention the WiFi toilet…for almost $8,000!

I had to look this up. It is a squarish toilet that has a power lid (better be a fast power lid), ambient lighting (ummm so better poop by?), music (nothing like a toilet inspired karaoke session), and the ad made some noises about it being sort of self cleaning with air dry.  I am not sure if the air dried the toilet or the bum.  If it dried the bum, it could be fun. Oh yes and it solves the major bane of all mankind…it has heated seats!  In case of power failures, it has an emergency mode good for 100 flushes. Whew!

The remote control (yes, indeedy) enables the user to change settings on the “go”.  And it also can be controlled by Alexa or Google Assistant.  It auto flushes too.

As amazing as a remote controlled, heated seat, musically inclined, color showing toilet sounds, it articles never answer the question if it will take one or two flushes to take care of business.  Modern. Low-flow, required by law toilets are notorious for saving water on each flush, but the savings is “wiped out” by having to flush several times to finish the chore.

I think this girl will stick with her old, cold seated, silent, manual john for now.  It’s paid for and requires only one flush. If I could find a hair drier attachment to handle the air dry component, I would have everything a girl could want.

I’m talking about the trash can. You know the one.  It stands sentry in the kitchen collecting everything and anything that can’t be recycled. Husband and I use white plastic trash bags in our silver, foot pedal operated bin.  Therein lies the problem.

After trying many bags, we decided that the best deal for the price were the bags from Home Depot.  Not only for the strength and tear resistance, but for the excuse that my husband needs to go to Home Depot to buy them when we run out. All trips to Home Depot require hours and hours of online research to locate the aisle where the product might be, followed by hours and hours of actual Home Depot time. I don’t know what goes on there. I refuse to go anymore with my husband because it takes hours and hours.

Once the bags actually make it home, the next project is finding a place for the box that the bags are housed in. Now remember, they are from Home Depot, the box is not small.  So of course, the most convenient (not) place that has enough space is on the other side of the kitchen from the can. This requires running back and forth across the kitchen to empty the can, get the old content outside and place a new bag in the can.  Sometimes there is a fail in the system and I will be standing there with a handful of drippy garbage and the can has no bag. Sadness to say the least.

This brings me to my brilliant idea. I began the on line search for a Command paper towel holder. I figured that the bags are on a roll…put the paper towel by the can and put the roll of bags on the dispenser by the can. Viola! The fly in the ointment was that Command does not make a paper towel holder. Horrors, am I right?  I thought of Command because they are durable and removable (for when I change my mind about this). But it is not to be! Please 3M people…read this!

So now I will embark on a hunt for a similar product that has all the requirements that I demand. Strong, dependable, clingy but not too clingy (to the wall that is)…yes, I want a paper towel holder that I can have a relationship with!

When this brilliant idea comes to fruition, I will let you know if it is half as brilliant as it looks on paper.

Happy Valentines Day!

I can not figure out how two adults can generate so much laundry.  No matter what time of year, our hampers are filled to the brim with dirty clothes. I could do 53,239 loads of wash per week and still not get ahead.  I firmly believe that someone breaks in when we are not here and leaves dirty clothes.  Sort of the underwear gnomes in reverse.

No one really loves doing laundry but it is the least offensive chore for me.  I used to do a lot when the kids were home and before they could complain.  The first complaint that they didn’t have this favorite shirt or that special pair of socks, I introduced them to Mr Washer and Ms Dryer.  A guided tour of the buttons and settings, and they were on their own.  It was wonderful.  The next time I heard…”where’s my…” , I simply replied, Did you wash it?  Problem solved.

I often profess that the happiest time in my life was when the kids were potty trained and could get out of the car by themselves, but this is a close second. I firmly believe that kids can do chores and still get homework done. I’m old fashioned that way.  It has also put me solidly in the running for meanest mom ever many times.

But I digress.  The laundry, remember? I am planning a marathon laundry-thon. I will topple the snow capped peaks with determination and a bucket of Tide. Maybe this could become a new Olympic event. Couple that with competitive folding and timed lint removal and I think we will have something here.  Of course after 4 years, there’s gonna be a lotta laundry. Maybe they can just light the torch from high on the pile.

So if you need me, I’ll be cleaning the lint trap. Have a happy day/night/whenever

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