The tax bill came. It is just the real estate tax bill, but still. The heavy hitter is the school tax bill. This just warms you up for it.
Tax bills are the necessary scourge of home owning adults everywhere. They don’t hurt so bad when they are rolled into you mortgage, but once the mortgage is gone, it’s all yours.
Now, yes, I do realize that taxes provide important revenue to keep streetlights on, trash collected and top officials in nice cars. But for the amount, which went up almost nineteen dollars this year, what do I get?
First, I expect a thank you note. If someone gives you money, you should thank them. A phone call or note would be the way to go. Emily Post, people, Emily Post.
Next, I pay my taxes early to get the discount. Upon studying my bill, I notice that the discount is a paltry 2% whereas the penalty for late payment is 10%. I think the reward for my diligence should be worth the same or more than the punishment for negligence when it comes to forking over the dough.
I am truly bummed that my trash services aren’t up to snuff. There is no discount for the trash pick up part of the tax bill. But my pickups are cut in half! Plus, the trash company has trucks with a claw that actually does the picking up. They pull up next to the can, the claw comes out and empties the can. It is fun to watch. But the entertainment comes at a cost. You can only have one can. It has to be their can. You have to have it in a particular location at the curb. But as I said, it is awesome to watch. I guess we can chalk this up to an entertainment fee.
The real estate tax isn’t the only tax bill at the beginning of the year. There is a head tax in my township. Now what is that? It is a tax upon you for being an adult in township. It was only supposed to be temporary for one year, but it hung around and increased. I guess the township needed better pens. I have no idea where this tax actually goes. But I can imagine.
For a head tax, you’d think there would be some variations. Should the head tax be the same for a person who is bald? Their head takes up less room than a fully maned individual. Is hat size considered? So many questions and not enough answers.
All of this comes at a time when taxes are foremost on people’s minds. That crazy season between February first and April fifteenth when we have to confess our income to Uncle Sam and hope that our deductions have quenched his thirst for more of our money. I show up every year at the tax man’s office and he acts as my confessor. The mediator between the government and my pocket, walking the tax law tightrope that changes with the wind.
Oh, I have tried to go it alone. But when the tax forms read like math questions, I generally just lose it. If a train leaves station A and another train leaves station B, and a cat with a wooden leg can claw four feet of furniture an hour, how much pancake batter does it take to replace your roof? Place the answer on line 4 and divide by your total income minus the amount of homework your dog ate as a child over Pi to the tenth degree. Provide receipts and show your work.
You see why I let someone else handle this.
So my fellow taxed persons, we have nothing to do but battle through the taxes. I’ll meet you at the same place and same time next year.